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- Kola Kokahalla
- Some call me the space cowboy... Actually, no one calls me that. Not least of all because I'm a lady. A proper lady, with ambitions and passion and lipstick. I'm brimming with love and scorn, courage and fear, hope and disappointment, alcohol and pathos. And I make great pancakes!
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Friday, July 16, 2010
Dangerous Minds
10:04 AM | Posted by
Kola Kokahalla |
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Did you ever have a dream that haunted you upon waking? That infused your entire day with melancholy?
This is nice if it's a good dream. If you met interesting people, or spent time with an impossibly hot movie star or went somewhere tropical, soothing and serene. It's less pleasing if your dream involved a complicated past, of someone you lost, that continues to break your heart. Which is where my subconscious went last night.
It was one of those things where someone you miss and will never see again, comes to you in your sleep and surrounds you with love, even though you know while dreaming it, that soon, you will have to leave them again and go back to the world. To reality.
Then you wake up and you go to work and all morning you are sad - so sad that when you stop and think about the dream, the coffee sticks in the lump in your throat and you hope you can work inconspicuously, that no one will talk to you. Because that dream revealed your innermost grief and despair. Things you've been desperately trying to shield from ever seeing the cold light of day. You can't stop thinking about it and now it's affecting your real life.
Then you feel a familiar sensation in your gut and realize that your period is starting. Damn those being a woman hormones, making everything ache so hard. So you go take care of business and on the way back to your desk you buy a Twix from the vending machine, to feed the crazy hormone beast and you talk to a coworker about her weekend plans and movies you've both seen and you feel a little better. Sometimes it's hard to remember that you're not alone. That being around people can be like surrounding yourself with a moat.
That's the thing about this grim burrito. There are all kinds of fillings. You just need to find yourself a good one and if it's not there to be found, you make your own.
Anyone out there reading this, be sure to have a happy weekend.
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4 comments:
Right back at you with the happy weekend! Try to avoid those sad dreams!
I will certainly do my best. I think what I really need is to stop eating cheese before bedtime. :) And menstruating. Simultaneously.
Yes, when I was a child I had a dream that I was running around and around in a small maze that had been set up using moveable wall panels, and we were playing catch or tag or cops and robbers. Something with chasing and guns involved. I was shot in the head and fell splat onto my back. There was a hole in my forehead, and a lot of blood. But after lying there for a while like a good sport, I got up again and began chasing the other kids around. They stopped playing and told me to stop cheating. I was dead and needed to lie back down again.
I was very sad. I lay back down again and kept my eyes closed tight as the other kids ran around me and jumped over me screaming and giggling.
You bet it haunted me.
Well so long as you didn't spend all day feeling like you were dead. :) Although I don't know, if it gets you out of school...
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